Sloth, in the balance of it all....A reflection and a pardon

Today I had a snow day - a good old fashioned "no school" because of snowy weather. Though it came late by most standards, 5:30am, I had showered and washed my hair - I was still happy to get the text from a dear friend from school.

I had to stay up long enough to dry my curly mop, and in doing so enjoyed the dawn of the day and the snowy vista. Eventually I sunk into slumber and enjoyed an unplanned cat nap until 9am. I frittered the morning away - but gleefully dressed for the excavation of my car. Having parked on a Tuesday/Friday side I was doomed to get plowed in. Adding insult to injury, my car was parked in front of a well tended building where the Super had snow blown his sidewalk clear, impacting my car on the other side. This hour project was fun - I got the car cleared out enough and thru some of the snow BACK into the street ! I started the vehicle and moved the tires enough to secure a start spot for tomorrow where I will try again to leave my trusty spot - and I will get a sack of cat litter to assist just in case.

I came in and had tomato soup. That's what you have on a snow day; tomato soup. I made a piece of toast, Gluten Free, and had a slice of goat Mammoth cheese to go with it; an ample substitute for a grilled cheese product sandwich.

Then, I didn't do much of anything. All day.

I surfed the Internet. Did no reading, really. Sat and thought about this and that.

Sent out a few texts, talked to my mom, wrote a few emails, commented to a few FB posts....and watched the sun come out in the afternoon.

Dinner was uneventful, and the sum total of the day would include accessorizing a pirate costume for my godson.

That was my day. I did not get ahead on any project, and I didn't catch up on anything.

I just was.

Tonight I Googled the Seven Deadly Sins and Virtues.

Of all of the Sins, SLOTH is among them and I exhibited it today in spades.

I felt really down about that for a while.

Then I reviewed the virtues. Charity, humility, kindness, justice, patience and thought to myself; yes, I, along with my colleagues at my school, do practice these countless times throughout our days and weeks. There are the unspoken acts of kindness, the generosity during crises, the many times we articulate, "..oh, my mistake, I'm sorry," the fight for fairness and advocacy for those who cannot fend for themselves, and the fortitude to say, " let's try that again..."

Yes, okay - I was a sloth today.

And I hope many of my colleagues were, too.

I offer that we earned it. No guilt, no regret.

Tomorrow is Saturday and we will do laundry, shopping, get out and do what has to be done.

But for today, there was Sloth.

And it was good.

A Conservative Nudge & A Dash of Fate

Tonight I watched Glenn Beck on Fox News as he spoke in the closing hour of the 2010 CPAC (Conservative Political Action Convention) in Washington, DC.

Now before you get all excited and politicized and polarized and opinionated, just listen, well READ for a moment. I do try to look at a variety of views and take good parts from what the kaleidoscope of speakers has to offer; sometimes the pickings are slim, but, it gets like that at the end of the buffet line at Golden Corral, too.

Say what ever about Beck, but I admire his humility in his very public ownership of being an alcoholic, as is demonstrated by his reference to it this very evening. He has other engaging qualities; and he is funny; he will be the first to laugh at himself within a minute of being the Grim Reaper of Doom & Gloom for America's future. So, that said, here's the take away message I had.

Get your sh** together, Anne.

Grow up. Face your fears. Take responsibility.

Do the hard thing.

Make the tough choices.

Do it now; while you are only 45, and you have a lot of time to fix and reinvest in yourself.

In direct terms, that means; pay off the credit card debt. Put the cards away.

Do without things - stop spending money on impulse stupid stuff, (electric pencil sharpeners NOT included).

Take care of yourself - deal with the body stuff.

Get rid of the clutter that has insidiously gathered in your residence of over 14 years now.

Remind those you love that you love them; they need to hear it.

Use the resources around you make what is old, new again.

Reread some books, chapters, journals that inspire you.

Borrow books, don't buy them.

I am happy, healthy, honest, trustworthy, smart, loved. Act like it.

No one owes you anything; but you owe faceless institutions a lot; get on it.

I went to cancel an order I had placed on HSN just over a week ago. There was no record of it.

ANYWHERE ! I guess it didn't go through; I am thankful. It is a sign I am headed in the right direction. Right, as in correct, political affiliation not withstanding.

What else ?

So, looks like I won't be going to OG this summer; but I can find another way to take a break somewhere and enjoy myself. I have a great NYC pad; clean it up, clear it out; don't be afraid to through stuff away - or recycle it. I am going to have to work to fund my further course study but that is an investment - different than an expense. The returns will be seen next year.

So, if you see that I am dining out less, (but mind you, that doesn't mean a draconian abstinence from dining out), carrying my own Gluten Free lunches and snacks about you now know why ! I am going to knuckle down and work toward some inner peace.

Much love to you all !

Annie B

It's Snow, It's Okay...Happy Snow Day to YOU !

Thank you for the Snow Day, Mama Nature !

I love a good snowfall.

I enjoy walking around in the crisp air with little flakes plucking my face or going up my nose or wetting my glasses so I cannot see.

I appreciate an occasional update on the television about how things are going in the Big Apple and reports about troublesome roads or undue delays.

I do NOT like all day coverage of a snowfall that is a storm in the most classic sense.

I do NOT like hearing the drone of making a Kilimanjaro out of a West Mountain ski slope.

Honestly, New Yorkers, don't you think the coverage for this is a bit overkill ?

Really, don't you ?

While Washington, DC is certainly out of sorts for their seasonal climate expectations, is it so terribly unexpected for New York City ? For those of you from northern heritage; particularly my Rochester, Buffalo peeps, are you not laughing at all this ?

Cancelling school and advising not to travel unnecessarily is a good, no a great idea. School buses and slippery roads make for a bad combo. No one HAS to get to Target today; and if you are a supervisor of someone in retail; cut them some slack; be thankful they got in at all.

Same is probably true for anyone who travels to work tomorrow. Be grateful they are there, safely.

So, if you haven't gone out in the snow - get your boots on and go; chances are it's still fresh enough to look inviting; picture perfect even !! I saw some kids sliding down a hill in the neighborhood, and I truly wanted to join them !!

Take in the serene beauty that is not airbrushed or computer generated.

Hot cocoa for all, and to all, good Snow Day !

Growing Pains

The past few days have not been business as usual.

Going upstate to see the family was different this weekend.

My mom fell in and needed to be taken to hospital in an ambulance, or as I call it per Law & Order, 'the bus.' I called my brothers to join me at the hospital, which they and their wives did unselfishly for six hours.

After minimal treatment and discharge papers, Mom came home, and I am thrilled to announce she is indeed fine.

More water, more leg elevation and follow ups NOT including a cardiologist, just her PCP.

While waiting for the ambulance to come, which it did in ten minutes, I found myself asking, "...is this how it ends ? ...is this what it's like ? "

I had a few quiet moments wondering if it was her time to go, and if I had really thought about it. Life with out my mom; her sage, her experience, he input, (welcome or not), her unfaltering love, her neurosis about locking doors, turning off lights and for the love of God taking the tea kettle off the stove.

Was I ready, or had I thought about not hearing one of her Uncle George stories, her Cuba-while-Dad-was-in-the-service stories ? All this rushed through my head as I waited with her, looking at her pallor, feeling a strong, but slow pulse, and eliciting responses that took a long time to come.

But they came.

She responded.

The Med technicians came.

The oxygen came.

And then she answered the questions.

Dismissed going to the hospital and announced she had to use the lou.

It wasn't her time to go.

Not on Sunday.

Not with the Jets in the quarter finals.

Not in the middle of winter where she can still see the fleeting colors of birds.

Not before her garden was abloom with perennials and what ever other annuals I could sneak in.

It wasn't her time to go, but, just as some innocence had been lost when I was diagnosed and treated for cancer, a little more of that wide eyed wonder ebbed away over the long weekend as I took the role of advocate for my mom's care in a strange place where she couldn't see all the different people around her and couldn't hear what was being said about and for her.

I did things and answered questions that adult children have to do for their elderly parent/s. I assumed the role of caregiver without hesitation, but with the stark realization that this is what is necessary now.

This is one of those benchmarks that I am both lucky to have, in that my mom has lived to be nearly 85; and that I, along with my siblings, are responsible to have - to take care of the woman who has always taken care of us, from near or far; sometimes very far, indeed.

So I go to bed tonight in my Manhattan apartment knowing she is as well as she was last week, with support all around. I am truly not worried, but more aware of what I have had for a long time and what I will lose when she is gone. But until then, we banter on the phone, cheer for the red team, discuss food - now we are going gluten free, and giggle about cats and birds and chipmunks and farm markets.

I don't know how long she has. I don't know how long anyone has - I don't know what I am having for breakfast, but, I do know that I am the woman I am today because she taught me more than how to make a perfect pie crust and how to cut and sew a pattern; she taught me to be my own person in the face of adversity and, "to thine own self be true."

The Betty - she really is something else.

Happy New Decade !

As dark falls on the first new day of the year, I am thankful for the opportunity to make a good first impression upon it.

I had a chance to really look at myself and my behaviors and their consequences/rewards today, and it was really eye opening. I was reminded in a most opportune moment that "...to do something the same way and expect different results..." was truly crazy. And in that moment, I think I grew up a little. While disappointed in the realization that real results require real work I figured out some very obvious things about life. I reflected on them on the way home.

Simply put, the way we live, communicate and carry on is a lot different today than it was ten years ago.

We are not only in a time of heightened security, we are subsequently in a time of heightened insecurity. International plane rides not withstanding, we may fear for our jobs, our privacy and our understanding of our rights and responsibilities. This not only changed aft 9/11 but has subsequently eroded into a complete turn around about everything.

While gains have been made in technology, specifically communications, why is it people are not talking to each other ? We text, we email and seem to avoid eye to eye, hand to hand, and sometimes, heart to heart contact. We applaud the components of accountability on a project, while sidestepping the process of making it a successful endeavor; thus more of a "gotcha" rather than, "great job, fulfilled as or beyond required." While electronic gadgets and extended hours and online shopping seemingly should make more time for "other things," it's harder to have time to meet with people, grab a drink or coffee, or just hang out for a game night at home with Monopoly.

Everyone seems so busy with all of the conveniences in hand, shouldn't we have more to show for it ?

Today I sent out a text blast to about a dozen people wishing them Happy New Year. Now I have decided instead to call each one and say it to the in my happy voice ! Really, hadn't I better walk the talk ? Be the change I want to see ?

So I am deducing that a telephone call today is like what a letter was thirty years ago; something that took some time and forethought that made the receiver feel really good.

Maybe that is what the next decade holds; small acts of making others feel good simply doing the thing that takes just a moment longer. I don't know; I'll give it a whirl and let you know how it goes.

And by the way, Happy New Year.

Old Year's Eve

It's Old Year's Eve - the last night followed by the next day of the same year; it deserves some respect. If you are hustling to get things done "this year" you still have time. If you cannot wait for this year to end, you don't have long to wait !

I found myself thinking that very thing tonight. It's a blue moon night. I longingly looked at the moon tonight; it was round and full and beautiful and the gray clouds around it gave it an essence of blue, but it wasn't blue ! Sorry.

Tonight I was at PK's - that's Piper's Kilt for the un-initiated, and while waiting for someone, I thought about the year, and what went well, all that I am thankful for, and how I can close the year with few regrets. I heard conversations of people around me how they were unemployed, not happy, unfulfilled, and seemingly looking forward to the year's end. It has motivated me to write in my thankfulness journal tonight; I do indeed have a lot to be thankful for. Friends, my awesome family, super career, lovely cat, great neighbors, sweet room mate, super tenants, and a cozy home in NYC that I love.

So on this Old Year's Eve, I bid you good night, and wish you well & bounty in all you have to be thankful.

Annie B

"You've Got...another small business OUT of business

It Saturday, December 12th - what would have been my dad's 90th birthday had he lived this long.

He would have been so at home at Dick's Hardware Store on Broadway @ 207th Street. 

But, today would have been his last day there; Dick's is closing. 

Citing both a down turned economy, (largely from not so much Dollar Stores and big box stores), and the traffic rerouting that has been on Broadway the past two years, this 15+ year Inwood institution is closing it's doors today.

You can get shades cut, pick up  a few hardware odds and ends and maybe a few dog eared decorations, but the joy has been sucked out of the store.  The owners seem ready to go; and the bare tape and spackle wall in the back that once showed endless choices of screws, nails and hooks says; okay, renovate me !

So, like the movie, "You've Got Mail," no one will really remember in just a month that the store was there; we can make our way down to Dyckman Street to the great hardware store just  a few doors down from Dunkin' Donuts.  It's a little longer of a walk, and not so easy, but, hey - it's NYC.  Maybe another store will come in it's place; younger owners with new, shiny merchandise and a cappuccino machine in the back; NOT that we need another one of those.

Maybe I will go down, just once more, and get another vertical blind for the window; just in case....