Another year over, Another bag of trash....New beginnings in the middle of the year...

Throughout the school year, charts are made, papers filed, folders maintained and records kept with the utmost skill and care of Ebenezer Scrooge's clerks. Yet in one or two afternoons, all of that makes its way into two large clear trash bags that are tossed curbside at a school, waiting to be hauled off to points we don't talk about much.

All that time. All that work. All that evidence of an academic year well or misspent, a student's growth chronicled for posterity - or until June, anyway. Some kids take it all home. Others toss it out right in class, so as to say,"...why lug it home, I can't keep it - there's no space, I'm done with it, already." Yes, this from eight and nine year old kids.

They argue a good point; why keep things we don't need, and don't WANT ? What is it in our minds that says, "...yes, save it, you may need it..." Is it some kind of 1930's frugal depression era, two generations removed genetic reprogramming that has made it's way into our molecular structure ? Are teachers more prone to this hoarding behavior because of the constant threat of cutbacks, not having enough, transient children that come in after all has been given out, and are still expected to come up with what is needed ?

This past week I was conscience of my behavior on this issue on two fronts.

First, at school, I was careful to save as many pocket folders as possible for kids who never have any, or not enough, or need them replaced mid year and claim their parents have no money; despite the new PSP game they just got. I pulled as many paper clips as I could find out of stacks of papers that were discarded, but made sure as many stacks as possible were given to my students. When I had saturated my kids, the overflow went to a neighboring class. Usable crayons were saved, stubs were not; no work books were thrown out, they were given to children, half used, half NOT used.

Second, apart from school, I eliminated something off my new business cards; my singer web site address. I was half aware of the decision as the design emerged for the new look and more focused on what to show as my purpose in having a card !
Educator. Writer. Cancer Care Advisor.
Included was my name, email, phone and this blog spot. (Shameless plug, but, did you subscribe yet ?)
Then I typed my singer site, and just looked at it. Then took it off. Then I took off the three descriptors.
Ten minutes were spent putting these four items on and off in different combos.
Then in one moment, I got zen and let it go. With only my name, phone, email and blog site on the face of the card, it is multipurpose, uncommitted, reflects the green/simple design of the template and shows a spot where if one wishes to know more, they can go. Basta.

Like the students, I made that choice to get rid of what isn't needed anymore. At least right now, as in 250 cards worth. Like handouts and student magazines, there will always be more. I look forward to seeing the new cards with the anticipation of a new school year's clean desk, shiny floors and sharpened pencils.

But there is plenty of time for that. For now students and teachers alike take a much earned riposa, to reflect and regenerate for the paper collection to begin again.

Summer - Welcome.

Summer's Song

What is it about Summer that makes everyone so happy ?

For many of my friends and I who are in education, it's a no brainer; No School !

As a college student, it was a great job and making money for the next semester, then going out at night in Lake George for all of the shenanigans to follow !
For the gardener, it's seeing the payoff for the efforts of planting, pruning and waiting.
Swimming, picnics, travel, leisure, reading, and a shady hammock seem to beckon in the season's offing...

This solstice, this year, for me was unexpected. On Memorial Day weekend, the unofficial start of summer, though I had planned a quiet get a way in my fave ocean side town, the Universe took a different turn.

My mom fell, was hospitalized, and relocated to a rehabilitation facility an hour outside her/our hometown.
Great news; she is expected to return to not only her prior strength, but BETTER than before ! There will be some changes in day to day living for a while, but all early signs are that they are fairly unobtrusive and amenable; the goal is to return elderly to their most desired, familiar and comfortable surroundings. Mom shares this goal, and is working like an olympian to get there. She is amazing; at 85 she is "working out and wants the pants with the stripe." No problem !


So, with that and spending the last month commuting upstate on the weekends, I have had time to think and decide that though Plan A is cancelled, Plan B looks good.
Really good.

I had vowed last summer that I would NOT be upstate the whole vacation, no way, no how. I still hold that proclamation true. The difference is that while I drive to and from visiting Mom, and stay with her during her transition back to her house, I will be working on projects that have been pushed aside for too long.

While Java the Free Range Kitty continues finding her inner hunter beast, I will be writing, taking on line courses, swimming, visiting with old and new friends, meeting my great nieces/nephews, celebrating my Mom's achievements, shopping at the farm markets, and renewing myself for the school year to come. I will take a holiday at the ocean, but I am keeping my plans fluid and I am confident it will fall into place.

THE SECRET, by Rhonda Byrne, suggests that there are no accidents, that fate plays out "the way it is supposed to."

How I, we, deal with that hand is OUR choice. And for now, for this summer, I think it's all worked out quite nicely.

Spring Break - Could the weather be better ?

NYC is in bloom !! Children are riding bicycles, grownups are walking, nearly everyone has gone out to play, and seasonal allergy sufferers have restocked their medicine cabinets with all the needed accouterments that welcome the pollen season.

Students and teachers have been on holiday and I know mine has been glorious. Splitting time between NYC and the Adirondacks, I did laundry and hung it out, spent hours outside and enjoyed a soft serve cone from Martha's - an upstate destination ! I finished a project or two, but have yet to clean off my dining room table. I made a batch of Gluten Free lemon poppy seed muffins and enjoyed a cup of tea on the lanai. I went to the opening of, "Lend Me A Tenor" and laughed more in ninety minutes than I had for months. I visited with friends, went out to lunch, and took a nap.

As I look forward to longer, sunny days, I am gearing up for the launching of a new project. Borrowing some skills from annieZcloset and the opera world, I am in need of your support by following my blog.

Would you be so kind as to do so ?

Thanks for your support.

Annie B in NYC !

A New Hat and New Mischief

When I was about 15, my mom and I were out in Glens Falls, NY, and we were talking about things in the 40's - mostly, what ladies did when they went out. We had gone to lunch, but were having such a lovely day, Mom said, "...well, when we were in need of lifting our spirits, we would go shopping for a new hat." So we did. I don't remember exactly where we went, but I got a hat. That hat is long gone now, but, tonight, I revisited that sentiment, and discovered something else along the way.

This evening, after a lovely gather of colleagues of past and present at a Tapis Bar,

Las Ramblas at 170 W. 4th, I walked up 6th Avenue. I needed to move and get some air, and the evening was so lovely, it was easy to do. While on my way into a much needed "cup," I spied a purple beret. It was crocheted, acrylic, and BIG. For my head and much thanked for big red hair, I am always looking for bigger than average hats. Though slightly out of season, I asked if I could try it on. I did - it was smashing - with a perfectly proportioned rosette on the front.

On an impulse I bought it and upon my head it sat until I got home.

I did not even care that it may have seemed garish with my dark raspberry colored top; I had a striped scarf to buffer the two warm hues. I was elated; I remembered that day I went hat shopping with my mom - and this was a perfect topper to another great day I had experienced.

But there is more; you see, recently, I have concluded that I lost my olive colored acrylic beret that I bought during chemo two and a half years ago. It has been in several photos of mine; and it's color always highlights my eyes, especially since committing to Redkin 4RC. But it has been missing for over two months; so has the brown one I bought - it's as if they ran off together. I have mourned the loss of those hats; ;mostly the green one, because of the motivations, memories and comfort they brought me. Java had snuggled up and slept on them.

I have let them go.

Whether they are sequestered somewhere in my house or closet or car or classroom not to be found for a long time, or, accidentally thrown away in a mad rush to tidy up, I just don't know. But I do know that I don't need to mourn their loss anymore, I can buy or make MORE hats - any color, and hopefully, any size.

I have to let them go.

I have to allow new hats to enter my life. New hats that will make their own memories, their own mischief, and punctuate various activities that are Annie.

Recently I started another journey that will require me to let things go- to part with the things I no longer need, and maybe don't want. I need to make room in life for NEW things, NEW adventures, NEW tastes, NEW experiences. I cherish the time and the memories of the old hats, but, there are more hats to be worn and loved.

Will I have the courage to do it ??

I believe so - I will simply don my new chapeau, and off I go....

Spring, or nearly !

It snuck in this weekend. After months of cold and snow and ice and boots and umbrellas and cabs, a preview of Spring tip toed in on cat's feet and swirled around.

Getting my fill of vitamin D for the past two days I walked many blocks in the sun. I saw people shopping, smiling and generally happy to be rid of the layers of winter garb. I saw tulip shoots and crocus stems reaching for the sky. I watched the dirtiest of snow piles melt and leave only silt in their wake.

Strolling on the Upper West Side, there were children on scooters, bikes, and in strollers. Adults ambled about trying to balance all the kid-ware that they have these days. There were some people with shopping bags, some with Fairway bags and few with pretzels.

I didn't see anyone loaded down with packages. It just wasn't about that today. It was about feeling unfettered with 'things' and enjoying the ease of moving without baggage.

Yes, times are scary; everyone is concerned about their own financial wellness, and probably someone close to them in their own family and friend circle.

But for this weekend, for just a little while, there was the sun and the sidewalk. There were no boots and no umbrellas. Kids laughed and grownups smiled.

No one felt scared of a terrorist attack. No one was particularly worried about Governor Patterson's fate. Laundry and homework could wait.

It was a good day in New York City.

Sloth, in the balance of it all....A reflection and a pardon

Today I had a snow day - a good old fashioned "no school" because of snowy weather. Though it came late by most standards, 5:30am, I had showered and washed my hair - I was still happy to get the text from a dear friend from school.

I had to stay up long enough to dry my curly mop, and in doing so enjoyed the dawn of the day and the snowy vista. Eventually I sunk into slumber and enjoyed an unplanned cat nap until 9am. I frittered the morning away - but gleefully dressed for the excavation of my car. Having parked on a Tuesday/Friday side I was doomed to get plowed in. Adding insult to injury, my car was parked in front of a well tended building where the Super had snow blown his sidewalk clear, impacting my car on the other side. This hour project was fun - I got the car cleared out enough and thru some of the snow BACK into the street ! I started the vehicle and moved the tires enough to secure a start spot for tomorrow where I will try again to leave my trusty spot - and I will get a sack of cat litter to assist just in case.

I came in and had tomato soup. That's what you have on a snow day; tomato soup. I made a piece of toast, Gluten Free, and had a slice of goat Mammoth cheese to go with it; an ample substitute for a grilled cheese product sandwich.

Then, I didn't do much of anything. All day.

I surfed the Internet. Did no reading, really. Sat and thought about this and that.

Sent out a few texts, talked to my mom, wrote a few emails, commented to a few FB posts....and watched the sun come out in the afternoon.

Dinner was uneventful, and the sum total of the day would include accessorizing a pirate costume for my godson.

That was my day. I did not get ahead on any project, and I didn't catch up on anything.

I just was.

Tonight I Googled the Seven Deadly Sins and Virtues.

Of all of the Sins, SLOTH is among them and I exhibited it today in spades.

I felt really down about that for a while.

Then I reviewed the virtues. Charity, humility, kindness, justice, patience and thought to myself; yes, I, along with my colleagues at my school, do practice these countless times throughout our days and weeks. There are the unspoken acts of kindness, the generosity during crises, the many times we articulate, "..oh, my mistake, I'm sorry," the fight for fairness and advocacy for those who cannot fend for themselves, and the fortitude to say, " let's try that again..."

Yes, okay - I was a sloth today.

And I hope many of my colleagues were, too.

I offer that we earned it. No guilt, no regret.

Tomorrow is Saturday and we will do laundry, shopping, get out and do what has to be done.

But for today, there was Sloth.

And it was good.

A Conservative Nudge & A Dash of Fate

Tonight I watched Glenn Beck on Fox News as he spoke in the closing hour of the 2010 CPAC (Conservative Political Action Convention) in Washington, DC.

Now before you get all excited and politicized and polarized and opinionated, just listen, well READ for a moment. I do try to look at a variety of views and take good parts from what the kaleidoscope of speakers has to offer; sometimes the pickings are slim, but, it gets like that at the end of the buffet line at Golden Corral, too.

Say what ever about Beck, but I admire his humility in his very public ownership of being an alcoholic, as is demonstrated by his reference to it this very evening. He has other engaging qualities; and he is funny; he will be the first to laugh at himself within a minute of being the Grim Reaper of Doom & Gloom for America's future. So, that said, here's the take away message I had.

Get your sh** together, Anne.

Grow up. Face your fears. Take responsibility.

Do the hard thing.

Make the tough choices.

Do it now; while you are only 45, and you have a lot of time to fix and reinvest in yourself.

In direct terms, that means; pay off the credit card debt. Put the cards away.

Do without things - stop spending money on impulse stupid stuff, (electric pencil sharpeners NOT included).

Take care of yourself - deal with the body stuff.

Get rid of the clutter that has insidiously gathered in your residence of over 14 years now.

Remind those you love that you love them; they need to hear it.

Use the resources around you make what is old, new again.

Reread some books, chapters, journals that inspire you.

Borrow books, don't buy them.

I am happy, healthy, honest, trustworthy, smart, loved. Act like it.

No one owes you anything; but you owe faceless institutions a lot; get on it.

I went to cancel an order I had placed on HSN just over a week ago. There was no record of it.

ANYWHERE ! I guess it didn't go through; I am thankful. It is a sign I am headed in the right direction. Right, as in correct, political affiliation not withstanding.

What else ?

So, looks like I won't be going to OG this summer; but I can find another way to take a break somewhere and enjoy myself. I have a great NYC pad; clean it up, clear it out; don't be afraid to through stuff away - or recycle it. I am going to have to work to fund my further course study but that is an investment - different than an expense. The returns will be seen next year.

So, if you see that I am dining out less, (but mind you, that doesn't mean a draconian abstinence from dining out), carrying my own Gluten Free lunches and snacks about you now know why ! I am going to knuckle down and work toward some inner peace.

Much love to you all !

Annie B