This evening, after a lovely gather of colleagues of past and present at a Tapis Bar,
Las Ramblas at 170 W. 4th, I walked up 6th Avenue. I needed to move and get some air, and the evening was so lovely, it was easy to do. While on my way into a much needed "cup," I spied a purple beret. It was crocheted, acrylic, and BIG. For my head and much thanked for big red hair, I am always looking for bigger than average hats. Though slightly out of season, I asked if I could try it on. I did - it was smashing - with a perfectly proportioned rosette on the front.
On an impulse I bought it and upon my head it sat until I got home.
I did not even care that it may have seemed garish with my dark raspberry colored top; I had a striped scarf to buffer the two warm hues. I was elated; I remembered that day I went hat shopping with my mom - and this was a perfect topper to another great day I had experienced.
But there is more; you see, recently, I have concluded that I lost my olive colored acrylic beret that I bought during chemo two and a half years ago. It has been in several photos of mine; and it's color always highlights my eyes, especially since committing to Redkin 4RC. But it has been missing for over two months; so has the brown one I bought - it's as if they ran off together. I have mourned the loss of those hats; ;mostly the green one, because of the motivations, memories and comfort they brought me. Java had snuggled up and slept on them.
I have let them go.
Whether they are sequestered somewhere in my house or closet or car or classroom not to be found for a long time, or, accidentally thrown away in a mad rush to tidy up, I just don't know. But I do know that I don't need to mourn their loss anymore, I can buy or make MORE hats - any color, and hopefully, any size.
I have to let them go.
I have to allow new hats to enter my life. New hats that will make their own memories, their own mischief, and punctuate various activities that are Annie.
Recently I started another journey that will require me to let things go- to part with the things I no longer need, and maybe don't want. I need to make room in life for NEW things, NEW adventures, NEW tastes, NEW experiences. I cherish the time and the memories of the old hats, but, there are more hats to be worn and loved.
Will I have the courage to do it ??
I believe so - I will simply don my new chapeau, and off I go....