Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Old Year's Eve

It's Old Year's Eve - the last night followed by the next day of the same year; it deserves some respect. If you are hustling to get things done "this year" you still have time. If you cannot wait for this year to end, you don't have long to wait !

I found myself thinking that very thing tonight. It's a blue moon night. I longingly looked at the moon tonight; it was round and full and beautiful and the gray clouds around it gave it an essence of blue, but it wasn't blue ! Sorry.

Tonight I was at PK's - that's Piper's Kilt for the un-initiated, and while waiting for someone, I thought about the year, and what went well, all that I am thankful for, and how I can close the year with few regrets. I heard conversations of people around me how they were unemployed, not happy, unfulfilled, and seemingly looking forward to the year's end. It has motivated me to write in my thankfulness journal tonight; I do indeed have a lot to be thankful for. Friends, my awesome family, super career, lovely cat, great neighbors, sweet room mate, super tenants, and a cozy home in NYC that I love.

So on this Old Year's Eve, I bid you good night, and wish you well & bounty in all you have to be thankful.

Annie B

Saturday, December 12, 2009

"You've Got...another small business OUT of business

It Saturday, December 12th - what would have been my dad's 90th birthday had he lived this long.

He would have been so at home at Dick's Hardware Store on Broadway @ 207th Street. 

But, today would have been his last day there; Dick's is closing. 

Citing both a down turned economy, (largely from not so much Dollar Stores and big box stores), and the traffic rerouting that has been on Broadway the past two years, this 15+ year Inwood institution is closing it's doors today.

You can get shades cut, pick up  a few hardware odds and ends and maybe a few dog eared decorations, but the joy has been sucked out of the store.  The owners seem ready to go; and the bare tape and spackle wall in the back that once showed endless choices of screws, nails and hooks says; okay, renovate me !

So, like the movie, "You've Got Mail," no one will really remember in just a month that the store was there; we can make our way down to Dyckman Street to the great hardware store just  a few doors down from Dunkin' Donuts.  It's a little longer of a walk, and not so easy, but, hey - it's NYC.  Maybe another store will come in it's place; younger owners with new, shiny merchandise and a cappuccino machine in the back; NOT that we need another one of those.

Maybe I will go down, just once more, and get another vertical blind for the window; just in case....

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Here's the glitter; where's the sparkle ?

Today I saw something.
If you see something, say something; right ?
Well, here it is.
I went to work and rode the elevator with two people.
A co-worker who had always been jovial and happy to be at work wore a weary smile and she had no sparkle.  She came in with her head all but down, and went to her room, with only a cordial greeting.  While there was no malice or ill-content, it was clear that she had crossed a line. 
A line you cannot see.
 A line you may not even be aware that you have crossed.  
But others  see it.
Conjecture in the absence of  explanations can lead to misunderstandings and rumor.
But here, with this person it is clear; benign indifference. 
Beyond passion, beyond frustration, beyond caring.
My question now is; Will she ever come back ?
Will I see the vital, excited, invigorated,
 motivating person who has been to Hell and back,  again ?
I don't know.  
There are so many who have traveled this path recently that its growing a little lonely to stay and fight the fight, keep up the morale, and believe that truth and justice will win.  
I need to believe that truth for its  own sake is still right, and probable, or at least, possible. 

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Hump Day in the City

Well, talk about your mid-40z thing; the mammogram. 

One of the most controversial screenings to date, there are advocates to mam or not to mam on both sides.
For the record, my mammo today was clear; all looks fine. While most women get 2 pix on each side, I get four because of the surgery sites - the radiologists who read these look at scar tissue and breast tissue VERY carefully !

My first indication that this was not good back in 2007 was NOT from a mammogram, but from a lump that didn't go away after six weeks. I then had a thermogram on Long Island; it is a heat sensitive test, and the areas that were found to be cancer six weeks later showed up on the infrared scan as "red hot" spots. So, I knew long before I knew.
The mammo, the biopsies and all that were not a TOTAL shock - and I am grateful I had this test.
I would highly recommend them for anyone; it was only $350. - quite a nice price for BETTER than mammo information, actually.

So, what else is a 40z to do today ? I had a few minutes between the radiologist and the surgeon, so on my way I stopped at Williams and Sonoma; sort of a booby tradition with me. I sent my sister there during my second surgery to buy me a present. She came back with a Caphlon pan :) I bought three spatulas today because mine were GROSS !
One of them has a gingerbread man on it; PERFECT !

So there's day two of my blog; tomorrow I will tell you about the community meeting I went to tonight.
Hot stuff in Inwood, let me tell ya !
Love and kisses, Annie

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Night night ??

So here it is. 10pm and no one to say good night to - other than the cat, who has NO interest in sleep at this point - she is getting her second wind; nocturnal creature and all. I'm happy for her, really.

Today I asked myself," what makes you think that everyone should really 'question with boldness' as proposed by Thomas Jefferson?" and not be afraid of loosing their jobs and friends.

Maybe a moment I had today when I saw my future become a sea of red ink at the prospect of a national health care plan that will compromise the availability as well as quality of care that I have enjoyed, particularly these last two years.
Maybe it was when a colleague of mine told me she hadn't been able to pull the monies together for a consult with a top drawer oncologist - not something that one can put off indefinitely, you know ?
Maybe its knowing that my mammogram is tomorrow and despite my bravado of being "so over it" and dismissive, at times, of even having had cancer, I am scared, ever so slightly, that it will come back.

Regardless of the reason I am resolved to live my most honest life each day; beginning with myself. It is not easy, not pretty and from time to time I have to apologize; not easy for me to do. But, in wishing to be "the change you want to see," I will sally forth and not only question with boldness, but listen without interrupting; an equally endangered social skill.

Nigh nigh...